How can it be, O Lord?

2 Oct

Sometimes, the gap between me and God seems too vast to cross. God is too big, too holy, to almighty. But, what I can’t do, he does — he bridges the gap.

It’s too big for me. I can’t get my little mind around it. One God – Three Persons in One God, yet only One God!

I know it’s true, because you say it is. But it’s hard to believe.

I do believe it. But it seems impossible to understand. It’s a divine mystery; you are One in Three – Father, Son and Spirit.

And then, Lord, another mystery: You have made me, clay from the earth, mere matter except for your gift of soul – you have made me in your likeness, one destined to live forever.

Here, Lord, is the root of the primal struggle in my life, in all human life. It’s the free will you have given me. It is at once blessing and curse – a blessing because my free will is a divine, irrevocable gift; a curse because sin has so weakened it.

I live in the beautiful world you have created – and I live in the ugliness I have spawned through sin.

At times it seems I am a warring hybrid of the divine and the demonic – at one moment rejoicing in you and in the very next, embracing sin.

Indeed, the victory has been won on that Old Rugged Cross – but these infernal battles, my Lord!

If only I could remain faithful! Sometimes I want to echo the great insight of St. Augustine: “From sufficient grace, O Lord, deliver me.” He was right, you know. You do give us sufficient grace; you do not allow anyone to be tempted beyond the ability to choose you over sin. But, dear Lord, even with your sufficient grace, we so often choose to sin. What will it take, Lord, for me to respond to your sufficient grace? What do I need to do?

A priest once said that our struggles against sin and even our falling into sin are part of our cross here on earth: the struggle, of course, is evidently a cross; the sin itself, not a cross, but the sorrow and guilt sin brings on the wounded soul – that’s part of the cross we bear. To know that we have failed you, O Lord – our God who never fails us.

I suppose, Lord, as great a mystery as your own Triune Self, is the mystery of your unceasing love for us, your divine mercy and patience.

Were it not for the Cross of Christ, what hope would we have?

How generous and great you are O Lord!

When I look at myself, O Lord, at my sin and your love, my soul cries out, “How can it be, O Lord?”

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