I Surrendered

20 Sep

 

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Embraced by God, Part 2

My surrender to God followed years of alcohol abuse and severity in my family relationships. I had lived with a degree of self-hatred. I was not what I pretended to be. I acted holy—but I was far from being holy. I claimed belief in God and the Gospel, but did not live a committed Christian life.

I knew who I was as a drunk and a fake, but I did not know who or what I would be if I gave up alcohol, if at last I truly surrendered to God.

I would pray earnestly, “Lord, heal me so I can be like other people and stop after a couple of drinks.” But I consistently heard my conscience echo, “Go to AA.” I refused, telling God that I was not like all those drunks.

But I was.

The Painful Decision

And finally, at five a.m. on September 2, 1977, I surrendered. I decided to go to AA. I was afraid and quite anxious: Will I really be able to quit? What will other people think of me?

I went to an AA meeting and went home feeling better than I had felt in many years. I lost all desire to drink—and I have never missed it at all. (However, God in his goodness invented nonalcoholic beer just for me and others like me.)

For all those years I never realized (or admitted?) that alcohol was making me less secure, more depressed and less capable of love.

I had been blindly searching for the peace and joy that comes from intimacy with God.

How Achieve Intimacy?

Seeking to grow in intimacy is very personal. Each person must find his or her own way. However, you don’t achieve intimacy as though it were some goal you frantically pursue.

If you are seeking to know God better, relax–because you are already experiencing God’s touch. He is giving you that growing desire to become one with him, to live a good and joy-filled life. You are already beginning to listen, to move forward. You may want to ask God to come closer, or rather, to be more open to him.

Here is a great example of how simple a prayer can be.

There was a young boy possessed by demon. The father told Jesus, “If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus responded, “If I can! Everything is possible to one who has faith.”

The father cried out, “I do believe, help my unbelief.”

And Jesus healed the boy.

Cf Mk 9:20-29

So, you begin with prayer—from the heart. For example, you may pray something like this:

Lord, I don’t really know how to pray. But I want to know you as I never have before. Please help me, God.

That is a marvelous prayer. It confesses your weakness and states your desire. You place yourself into God’s hands—that’s trust.

Your search for God begins with a decision to know him better, to be open to his love, to try to understand what it means to love God in return.             Whatever your security blanket, give it up, surrender to God and be covered with his divine mercy.

Next, “Judy” discovers God as she “hangs by a thread.”

 

 

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2 Responses to “I Surrendered”

  1. Joan Kinsey September 21, 2014 at 4:00 pm #

    HENRY THANKS FOR YOUR TESTIMONY AND COURAGE TO SHARE! MISSED SEEING YOU AND PEG

    • Henry Libersat September 22, 2014 at 1:16 am #

      Thanks, our son and his wife were in for just Saturday and Sunday a.m. Hope to make it next time. Thanks for the feedback on the blog.

      Henry

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